Voice mail to Text - not quite there yet!

When I left a VM for my friend LINDSEY (not Lenny) the other day, here are some excerpts of what she received as a text. My comments are in big!

Hello hi lenny (it's LINDSEY!)

 @#$% hello happy for you (I DID NOT SWEAR!!) 

...black oh my gosh that's like wow (I sound like a 13 year old girl here)... of course I also miss ... little skin you know when you guys do and I just need you announcement of my it's ready and dave anywhere (say whaaaat? I don't even know what I'm talking about!)

 tomorrow hi my name is in ... (new name coming, apparently! Surprise, surprise!)

 time for you because I really it's ricky ... that is absolutely amazing ... sorry I'm cool yang ... noel but it's it's like wow . (I am definitely cool 'yang')

 rock up there with the top (I said TUB! stupid thing can't get the accent right!)

(Oh, this following bit certainly sounds like me...) you should pick like it was amazing and I not the person you probably still remember that I'm not the person I can pick up right virtual after here or anything I usually have people ... (WHAAAAT?)

I might have actually picked up like a little bit of but wow  (I think I certainly picked up a little bit of WOW) something I've changed out but you and was amazing I'm just charging talking about they just told us 92 get take about 1040 right he it's you know it's that I made that 

Yeah, this made sense! Not sure how I even chose Voice Mail to text. But THIS text made their night! I think they might have even peed their pants a little reading this out loud. No wonder... I apparently swore at them in the greeting! :)

Prank Time - It's April Fools!

Jeff and me were in the kitchen when Danielle walked in.. 
' Jeff is a dirty rotten dog!!'
I couldn't believe these words had really come out of Danielle's mouth. 


Now you should know that Jeff and me rent rooms from Danielle and her husband Steve. They are the sweetest and most generous couple ever and we both love living there. 


Danielle grew up in the South and today we have company coming. That means that for the past 2 weeks we have done nothing else but organising, tidying and cleaning the house from top to bottom. 
Today was the day... They would finally get here...


'Jeff is a dirty rotten dog!' 


I smiled. I figured this could be fun. But I wasn't sure what had happened. 


Well, apparently Danielle was in a (very important) meeting today when she received the following text message from Jeff:

Someone left the stove on and the kitchen caught on fire. Maria (the housekeeper) got here before it got out of hang and we're just waiting for them to finish I guess.. They just now gave me my phone that was in my room. They said there's probably going to be a lot of smoke damage and that we should probably stay somewhere else for a couple of days for health risks!!
....
Before you have a heart attack right now I should probably tell you that I'm just kidding....

Yeah, that was the text she got in the middle of a meeting. And that is also why she came into the office saying that Jeff is a dirty rotten dog. 
The world makes sense again. 


Now that I have stopped laughing I thought I'd post this so that you guys can enjoy a good laugh...


Slightly mean, but funny prank! 

Death to yoga, cats rule (Part 2)

Against my better judgment I totally went back to whacky yoga studio. By now I am thinking of how much money I could make if I could just sell the 'whack your belly' idea without cracking up laughing (Membership for a year is over $1000 at this place!)


This was the 'normal' yoga session. No vibration yoga, no intestine cleansing stuff... But the 'warm up' still consists of whacking your belly, counting to 10 and, if you're me, trying to not laugh out loud. 


The middle section wasn't so bad. It was stretching. just that these people believe in holding the pose for a minimum of 10 minutes, which means you only stretch 2 muscles. And it also means that I now understand the need for yoga pants (they don't have zippers or buttons that you might end up sitting/laying on). 


At one point she challenged us to do the 'washing machine'. You stand with your feet together and twist your hips. This goes on for about 5 minutes, after which you will probably feel a few things. Instructor person said that it's normal to feel a bit of pain in your kidney's, stomach or liver. 


So after this deal you get on the floor and are basically supposed to ram a piece of wood into the area where you felt pain and massage it! (Aehm, yeah... This makes sense...)


So I went along with it, but basically was going for a snooze....


Suddenly the iinstructor was just about on top of me and proceeded to show me what she meant. She took the wood thing and very 'gently' rammed it into my liver until it just about touched the ground (with the problem that there was still a bit of me in between the ground and the wood)


And then she asked how this felt!!!! I almost laughed out loud. I couldn't quite breathe right anymore, since half my insides had shifted and I wanted her OFF ME!! 


So I just said 'slightly painful'. She asked 'good eh??' 


ARE YOU CRAZY LADY??? You're pretty much turning my liver into ground meat and are sitting on top of me....


But I have learned my lesson... 


'Sure.. Sort of'


She finally let go and moved on...


I breathed again and continued to hold on to the laughter insider of me. 


Oh. My. Goodness. 


Nothing much else to say about this...


Except: Yoga instructors should use breath mints more frequently. 

'Death to Yoga, cats rule'

The title is actually stolen from a note that my friend sent me. I just really liked it and decided it kind of fits. 

So, yoga! I really had nothing against it and that is probably why I decided I should try the groupon thing and sign up for it. Well, that and the fact that I'm looking for alternatives to running, since I am still struggling with Plantar Fasciitis (look it up... it hurts!)

I think my problem is that I might have signed up for the whackiest yoga center available. 

My first session was a 'vibration class', which already sounded sketch, but I thought 'what the heck'. 

you walk into (of course) a tranquil environment with soft music and very nice, soft spoken people who to me just turn out to be annoying. Plus, with all their soft spokeness, my response usually is a repeated 'HUH???'. (And I don't do the soft spoken crap! Speak up Lady!)

After already being recruited for the next meditation seminar (online, for the bargain price of $200 - NO THANK YOU) you walk in and find a group standing in a circle SLAPPING THEIR BELLIES!!! 

I should have turned and ran right here! What was I thinking?? Nothing obviously! And that's apparently the point of yoga and thus I fit right in: 'Let your mind go...' (said in a soft spoken sing song voice that makes me want to throw stuff)

So for the first TEN minutes you stand in a circle and (no joke) hit your belly... Or what these guys call your 'Dahn Jo' aka your center.... I don't really know why you would repeatedly hit your 'center' but you do. It didn't do anything for me, except I wanted to laugh out loud SO bad. (I didn't! - points for self discipline)

They told me that the vibration class is all fun and stuff... So after the quite weird 'warm up' exercises you grab a mat (still don't know why) and then the yoga instructor (and instructor is quite the exaggeration!) puts on Asian Techno, dims the lights and tells us to dance... 'Not pretty dance, but crazy dance'. (That's a direct quote and that's the extend of the instructions)

So for the next TWENTY minutes that's what we do... Which is hard when you're trying not to crack up laughing. If this is yoga I could just go to a club! Ladies get in for free in most Vegas clubs and it'd be cheaper!!!

It was ridiculous. And no joke, that was the extend of the class. After the weird dance session you just lay on your back and breathe right (something that apparently I haven't mastered in my almost 37 years of life... Sucks to be me)

I took another class... Not vibration. Thinking maybe it was different. Well, it was.... But I save that for another blog post! 

As for 'Cats rule'... I tend to disagree, since our house cat has chosen my bed to crawl UNDERNEATH the covers... Something I despise! 

The last 15 minutes (6)

The awkward and funny moment edition

Awkward moment #1: It's my best friend's birthday today. We grew up together, did everything together, pretty much until I moved away. So I needed to call her. She lives in Germany.Since today was a non blue day, the only good time to call her was on the way to prison. And since we were carpooling that meant having a full on (one sided) conversation in German in front of other people who don't speak German! Ugh, I HATE that! 

Awkward moment #2:Her daughter picked up and couldn't understand who was calling. So I had to yell my (real) name about five (!) times before she knew who I was. Let me tell you... To non German speakers it has a tendency to sound very rough and slightly rude when I pronounce it right. 

Awkward moment #3:Her daughter informed me that my friend was indeed NOT at home and that her birthday was actually TOMORROW! Hey, at least I managed to be a day early. 

Awkward Moment # 4:When you choose to wait on truck bed (you know, the back of the truck) and suddenly the trucks starts and you're still sitting on it, knowing the driver is unaware of you sitting there. And the way you know this, is coz the driver is calling you at that moment asking where you're at.

Funny Moment #1:When your boss walks around like he's just gotten off a horse after a day of riding coz he crushed his legs in the gym. (This continued to be funny throughout the day)

Funny moment #2:When someone leans forward and ends up falling out of the chair. (Tears were flowing - because of laughter, not pain)

Awkward weekend Moment: When you see
a massive face right behind ya.

Gotta go, my 15 minutes are almost over.

Gotye's 'Somebody I used to know' in different

This video has had me laughing for a week now. So I thought you should see it too! It's just for the fun of it! :)
(Non German speakers start it at around 45 seconds)

My very sensitive relationship with my car

The car I drive right now is not mine. I just would like to preface this post with that fact…

I love the fact that someone is lending me and has been lending me their car for over a year! It’s a huge blessing and I don’t know how to even thank that person.

The car is a 1995 Saturn, stick shift with no AC. So summers have been a struggle, but better than not having a car at all.

This is the story of the car and me:

-Last year every now and then the car would just cut out. Especially annoying when you’re going 65 mph down the highway and suddenly your engine dies and you have to get it going again… (4th gear, clutch in let it come slowly). It worked every single time and I didn’t say anything before because, when I did, people seemed to freak out about my safety here and there… Thanks, I guess.

-This year the car started to overheat whenever it was not going a solid minimum of 45 mph. I started to find out how amazingly convenient the Las Vegas Freeway system is. It was just a couple times that I got stuck in traffic and was yelling at others to ‘KEEP MOVING’. By the time I got to where I was going I was completely drenched in sweat and had to actually sit down for a minute to avoid fainting. Plus I was pretty grumpy! LOL Real story! Only happened once that bad tho.

-My clutch broke. But since I didn’t have any money I kind of learned to live with it for a while. So I parked only in spots where I didn’t need to back out of (the use of reverse was pretty limited). I only learned to start driving in 3rd gear, since that was still working fine. Then, through the incredible generosity of my friends I was able to fix the clutch and can now back out of parking spaces again.

-My latest fun thing are the windows. Since I have no aircon I greatly appreciate the use of the windows. All windows in this car are automatic, which makes it hard (aka expensive) to fix.A few months ago the passenger side window stopped about 4 inches down. that was it. Then a couple weeks ago, the driver’s side window stopped working all together. Now I drive a sweat bucket, with 4 inches of air coming through. And the saddest thing is: the passenger side window doesn’t even go up all the way anymore. It stops 2 inches short.

Ready for a new car… Any chance you want to join me in prayer to get a new car? I got $1400 towards it right now and need at least $600 more before I can really look for something that would work.

Now, if you have a car standing around and would like to donate it, please let me know! :)

An epic fourth of July

On Fourth of July in the States you basically celebrate the birthday of this country. On that day you're allowed to set off fireworks like crazy.

This year I went over to my friends place again, who puts on one heck of a show every year with lots of fireworks, good people and good food.

This year we managed to set the neighbor's lawn on fire. It was awesome. Apparently he burned his leg hair while he stomped out the fire... (This is where I was happy that girls shave the legs...)

Luckily I was wearing shoes and could participate in the fire suppression efforts.

The fireworks were great, but setting the lawn on fire might have been my favourite part of the night (since nobody got hurt, the lawn has a few black spots and nothing much else happened...)

It was also fun to see the neighbors jump when another thing blew up sideways and went into their bushes about 2 yards from them.

What a night! Happy birthday USA.