Adoption vs guardianship

The other week I was very privileged to be present at an adoption. It was my first time and it was very memorable.
The main part of the 15 minute ceremony is a list of questions:

• Do you believe this is in the best interest of the child?
• Can you provide for the child?
• Are you aware that the child will have the same rights as any of your natural born children?....

That last question makes you think, doesn't it? When we talk about adoption it is permanent. There's no way out, you can't back out or change your mind.

This is it.....

Working with High Risk Students I sometimes wish that these questions would be asked of people wanting to become parents?

• Do you believe THIS family would be in the best interest of your future child?
• Can you actually provide for your future child?

I've just witnessed the devastation that guardianship can have in a child's life. It is NOT permanent and at any time the child might hear these words:

'I am done! I have wasted 15 years with him/her. He/She treats us like crap and doesn't respect our home at all. And on top of that He/She is not even my real kid. It's just a step kid. I AM DONE.'

The sad thing is, that I am not making this up. I heard those words come out of someone's mouth right in front of their child. His/Her security was gone that moment. What do you think went through her mind.

Guardianship is NOT permanent and I don't even know how this child will deal with what was said.

Looking at faith, I am SO glad that God adopted us as His children. It's permanent. He's stuck with us... It gives me security.

What are your thoughts?

That darn red button

So the transmission of my car finally gave up and I have been car-less. It's one of those opportunities for God to show up like crazy! And that He did:

• Car broke down
• I cried, then realised this is not helping
• Texted a bunch of people and asked for prayer
• Got offered about 7 rides within 10 minutes
• Took the one that included a free tow!
• Cried again (Still NOT helping)
• Prayed some more
• Peace
• Friends gave me A BUNCH of money towards repair or 'new' car - my choice
• Still without car and lots of places to go.. (Prison and mentoring appointment!!)
• Walked into a meeting and told 2 people that I didn't quite know how to make those appointments
• Both offered me their car.

And thus comes the story of that darn red button...
I was driving my friend's car (a Mercedes - got some brownie points with some of the officers at prison) and was talking to her about the red SOS button. And she said I should totally push the button! She said it wasn't quite what you'd expected.
But in the background her son was yelling that I should wait until I am back at their place, so he can be there.
So I was like, cool... I'll wait!
I got to their house, got him to sit in the car with me and in awe I push that button.... A little flap opened just like on a rocket ship or something to reveal another red button underneath! It was magical... And not quite what I expected.

And the red button... Well, it looked intriguing. So I asked her (13 year old son): 'Should I push the red button?' And he said (what every 13 year old would say): YES!!

So I did! (I don't need much encouragement)

At first nothing much happened. But then we heard some faint noise that was coming closer. Within minutes we were engulfed in bright white light from above, as a helicopter was hovering over us.
A rope ladder fell out and and what seemed to be a Navy Seal climbed down to us. I was slightly panicked, but tried to remain calm.
The 13 year old was laughing hysterically and my friend was still on the phone. I wasn't quite sure what was going to happen, but I started saying my good bye's to my friends in my head.










OK, so I basically just managed to start the call with the Mercedes Onstar equivalent... Oops!



In other news... I would still appreciate any prayer for this situation. I probably still need another $1,000 to get my old car going again and have it safe. And if I go for a 'new' car, then I need the deal of the century... it's decision time! :)

Inspired

I am blown away by people who care for and love students. 

There are those that care for and love students by volunteering their time (energy) at youth groups, Boys and Girls Clubs and all kinds of things. These people are amazing. They want to hang out; pass on and just give to students who are still in the process of navigating life. 

Then there are those that care for and love students by *volunteering* their entire life. That's called Foster Care these days. I know a bunch of people who do this and it takes a lot of commitment. It's about finding the balance between being a parent (that you're not) and being a friend (that you shouldn't be). 

Can you see the potential awesomeness if you mix and match the two? Can you see that ALL students would benefit from having some kind of non parental mentor person in their life. Not a friend and not a parent. 

And every student would benefit from living in a stable environment with loving guidelines and disciplines and some sort of structure. 

It's not that one is better than another. It's about actually doing it! Just taking the time and caring for someone who hasn't yet learned how to ask for help. 

In the end it's all about giving back in the area that you're most passionate about. It's always about giving back...

And yes, I totally googled awkward family photos. :)

the truth about camp or how awesome is cottage cheese?

I went to camp:

• My feet smelled BAD once released from the confines of the sneakers.  
• I ate cottage cheese. every. single. day. 
• I met a bunch of new people (80% of them were junior high age. Seeing as this was a junior high camp with 450+ junior high students, this is ok!)
• I waved my amazing YELLOW blow up 'foam' finger.... (and consequently lost it. Note to self: Do not lend foam fingers to junior high boys)
• I had a mohawk for 'mohawk day'. 
• I spent half a day on the ground waiting for someone to rescue me, because someone had the great idea to have 'attack day' where everybody shoots (pretend) blow darts at you and I just plain out suck at that game and got hit a lot.
• I got wet while kayaking, coz I didn't want to sit in the back. Instead I sat in the middle and almost SUNK the freaking boat. Not a boost for self esteem, but funny nevertheless. 
• I slept in a cabin and was surrounded by lots of dirt, rocks and trees. Some would call it beautiful. I call it nature. 
• I was part of the yellow team. We didn't win. 

It sounds ok, doesn't it? Not great (apart from the cottage cheese) but just ok...

But then you add the God factor. The God factor happens when you present these 450+ junior high students with truth.
The truth about self esteem and what they might see in the mirror (ugly, fat, etc) and how God sees them (beautiful, created with love).
The truth about not having to do everything on your own. Giving up the struggle and trusting God to take it. Surrendering things like drug use or addiction, family problems, peer pressure, alcoholism and more completely to God. (yes, those are all real problems junior high kids struggle with. I suggest you start talking with your kid!)
And the truth about community. The answer to the question of what comes after camp? What happens when I fall back? What happens when I get abused again? 

When you add the God factor to camp it takes camp from ok to mind blowingly great. It makes cottage cheese fade into the background and helps me see the students for who they are. And it gives me hope for this next generation. They can change the world. They will tell others about Jesus. As long as I will tell them! 

Conversations in Jail - Jesus

How do I help my juvies understand how much Jesus loves them?
How do I make them understand how blessed I feel because I can spend time with them every week?

Their understanding of Jesus and Faith is basic at best. 3 months ago one of the worship songs had the word 'Hosanna' in it and they asked 'Miss, who's Hosanna?'

Every time I tell them that I KNOW people who would want to spend time with them and help them be successful they say 'Miss, who would want to spend time with us? We are criminals?'

There are so many things that make it hard to talk about Jesus. (One is, that they keep on calling me 'Miss')

But every few weeks I lay it out there. Every few weeks it's not about living a different life, but it's about the person who gives us life.

This was one of the weeks.

We talked about sin and how ALL sin separates us from God. No matter how big or small. In that way sin is sin and we are all the same before God.
We talked about the difference of consequence for some sins. Stealing a car and running a red light are a little different in consequences.
Then we talked about how God says that there is not one righteous person.

This was to lay the ground work. To help them understand that ALL sin separates us from God.

Then I moved on to what God has done for us. How He sent Jesus for 'WHOEVER'. I talked about who a whoever is.
We talked about what love is and that God loved us first. And how He's not insecure, so that if you don't love Him right now, He's not gonna sit in a corner and cry. But He's still gonna love you.

And then we talked about the 'now what?'. The fact that God wants to change their lives NOW and not when they get out. That is the hardest thing for me to explain and for them to get. I don't speak from experience here, but I know that they can do it!

They CAN do the hard things instead of just coasting (not swearing for a day!)
They CAN be an example in speech, in conduct, in faith in purity.. (1. Timothy 4:12).

You know what was weird? Usually during my talks (they are a bit of a hybrid between a talk and a small group) there are lots of interruptions. Comments, tangents, jokes.... There are a lot of things going on and often I have a hard time keeping their attentions.

But when I did this talk the room was eerily quiet. They all seemed to listen. There was no joking, no questions, no tangents. They just listened. They looked at me and listened.

And suddenly I had that hope again. The hope that God HAS a future and a hope for them. And that it's good. The hope that I will see some of them on the outside and see them succeed. Hope that I am not alone in this. But God is always right there.

I needed that.

Conversations in jail - Dads

This was not a conversation, but more an observation of the atmosphere...

When I go in to talk with my juvies I show them a DVD of the service from Central Christian Church. I only show them the worship, and then do a hybrid of a talk and small group myself afterwards, going along with whatever series is going on in our Junior High and High School environments at church.

But the worship is on DVD. Even though worship is definitely not their preferred style of music, they actually manage to sit through it quietly and every now and then I can even hear them 'sing' a word of two.

This time the worship included a description of how the worship leader spends time with his daughter before going to bed. They hang out and sing a few songs together in her room. Quite a special moment for both of them.

During this story everybody in the room got quiet. (There's usually some chatter going on). And I realised that this story struck a chord with them.

I don't know their stories, their families or what they've done. But I think I know enough to suspect that many of them did not have a Dad like that in their life. A dad who would have a special place and a special moment with them when they were little.

Or even when they were older.

The 'special' moments they've had were with their older brothers when they got introduced to gang members and were allowed to do little errands to earn trust.

Of course not every Dad has the time to do what that worship leader was talking about. But I think every Dad should make time to have that special moment or special activity together.

The special moments I remember with my Dad were at Christmas. My Mum prepared everything downstairs and Dad played with me and my brother upstairs, until Mum was ready.
Or the times during summer when my Dad, my brother and me played soccer after dinner.

My Dad wasn't able to do something every day. But he did stuff with us that only he could do (love my Mum, but she can't kick a ball for the life of her!)

So my prayer for my juvies is that God would help them to see Him. And that they would be able to have a special moment or a special activity with God. I've learned that God sometimes uses our parents to care for us, sometimes He uses other people and sometimes He just does it himself.

Since my juvies are kind of restricted by their location and the rules of their location I pray that God would do it Himself! :)

Conversations in jail - fights

Sometimes I ask my juvies questions and I am blown away by the honesty of their answer....

The latest one went like that:

Me: You guys like to see girls fight???
Them: Yes! It's HOT.
Me: REALLY?? You think that's attractive? As in, you would LIKE to go out with a girl who is not afraid to fight another girl???
Them: Heck yes!
Me: ..... 

Of course I had heard that before that guys think that. But it was more like a rumor to me. But to hear it from a bunch of guys (they ALL agreed) and to hear them talk about it so excitedly was kind of shocking to me.

The day before I was at a BBQ and was mucking around with one of the Junior High Boys. He took it one step further and proceeded to start hitting me with his bandana (like the kitchen towel fights). About 2.5 seconds after he started I heard one of the leaders tell him to stop. Reason? Because you don't hit ladies!

You might smile at that, but I was so thankful that someone was looking out for me. (Of course I could have taken on this 6th grade boy... But anybody could have! That is not the point!)
And I was super thankful that there is still this value of treating girls like girls.

Looking at my juvies I wish someone would have been there for them to tell them not to hit girl, not to hurt others, to respect life and even to be able to walk away and still have dignity.

I wish someone would have told them that their identity is not rooted in how many people they hurt or how many guns they have. But that their identity SHOULD be rooted in who they are in Christ. And that there are people around them who want to help them find that.

Like that leader who over the next 3 years will pour his life into that 6th grade boy to help him become a man. A man who will respect girls and who will pick girls that respect others as well.

One day your 6th grade boy or girl might be play fighting with a bandana. But if no one helps them to understand some boundaries I might get to hang out with them at jail. And I don't want that.

Conversations in jail - Names

My Juvies... I wish you could all meet them! They are incredible to me, make me smile, laugh and feel like I know a little better how God feels when we 'don't get it'.

I've told you before that I've been trying to learn names and that these guys sometimes give me their street names, rather than anything their parents may know them by. 

For me, it's ok to call them whatever they tell me I should call them as long as a) it's not offensive and b) they listen when I say 'their name'. 

The breakthrough came a few weeks back when some of them gave me their real name. That's a big deal for them. 

Names are powerful. We see that already in the Bible where names hold a certain meaning about the life of the individual. 

Names give us identity and therefore these guys like their street names. It's their identity. It's what they are known by, by their friends and also by their enemies. If they know how to handle themselves in tricky situations, then their street name carries importance and makes them feared by others. 

And that is also why giving me their real name is a sign of trust. And it makes me excited every time it happens. 

Today it didn't happen. I tried to learn all their names again and couldn't for the life of me remember the name of one of the guys. So they started 'helping' me. 

In the end, he 'suggested' to be called 'smurf' (They all wear blue!). I warned him that that's what I will call him unless he tells me his name (street name or real thing) and he decided smurf was ok with him. 

So I called him 'Smurf' the whole lesson long. And I grew quite fond of calling him that. And I think he did too! This might be the first 'cute' street name ever. 

I hope he keeps it! 

Good night Smurf! Hope you know how much Jesus Loves you! 

Loving what I do - my most recent newsletter

Right now I am sitting here, waiting for the other members of God Behind Bars to arrive to the meeting. I thought you might want to ‘meet’ them: 

John, Dave, Jake, Don, Bob and Me! (left to right)

We will have a ‘same page meeting’. We started these a couple months ago once we realized that sometimes there’s so much going on that nobody knows anymore what’s going on, except for Jake (CEO, founder and my boss).

So now we come together twice a month and get to hear what the others have been up to.

There’s John who’s working on creating jobs for released inmates, starting with a recycled dry-clean hanger scheme. But of course there’s more to that. We are also starting a thrift store (to employ inmates) which will have more the look and feel of a target.

Dave gives us updates on what’s happening in the area of resource development (read: fundraising to start more campuses)

Don is an amazing man who’s been in prison ministry for over 30 years. He helps us in any way imaginable, but especially dealing with the Department of Correction (which can be a challenge)

Bob has his finger on various grant applications that are in to get our Media Arts Studio INSIDE the prison some new equipment. (We are teaching inmates graphic art, video editing, life skills etc)

I will talk about stuff that’s going on with the youth, how I am going once a week into the jail and hang out with ‘my’ juvies. How we need funds to start another campus at ‘Caliente’. And how we are starting to really be ready to help youth that gets released on the outside.

And then Jake will talk about everything else. And there’s still a lot. The After Care facility that’s about to open on the church property. The classes we will teach there (parenting, finances and career development to start with—I’m helping write the content).

The set free campaign that’s running right now (more info at Godbehindbars.com) and the push to reunite inmates with families by inviting the family to watch the same service online at churchwithinmates.com.

So there you go! You just met just a few of the awesome people I get to work with. And heard a few of the things we are working on. At the moment I still get to be involved in many other areas of God Behind Bars, until the youth program will take off like CRAZY! :)

It’s frustrating at times that I can’t take pictures anymore of the people I minister to. (Big No No to bring a camera or cell phone into the prison! :) )

 

I wish I could show you ALL the things I get to do. But instead all I can do for now is just to say ‘Thanks Heaps!’. I am so blessed to be serving God in this area, so blessed to have you as friend and supporter of what I do. Thanks for making it possible for me to get up in the morning pumped and excited for what’s going to happen during the day.

You rock my life!

Oh, and that’s a picture of one of the prisons :)

Oh, and read some of these stories from some of 'our' inmates and the impact God Behind Bars has had on their lives:

Just a couple stories from inmates: One inmate, recently arrested and had lost everything, planned to commit suicide the day that her bunk mate invited her to a God Behind Bars service. She went, met God, felt loved and is ALIVE today, sharing her love of Christ with others around her.
 One inmate, that had gone through Celebrate Recovery (faith based recovery from hurts habits and hang-ups) and we had worked with in the Media Art Studio was able to land a job once she was released with the STATE! She helps others find work now! Loves God, is part of a church and reunited with her family!
 God Behind Bars was instrumental in changing another inmate’s life who was in and out of jail, but finally realized that there are people who love her and want to help her. She also is doing well on the outside.
 You can go to GodBehindBars.com to watch a video or two where they tell their own story.
 Tweets: Going to Germany for 10 days to attend my nieces confirmation and birthday! So excited.
 Prayer for ‘my’ juvies is appreciated as they’re starting to grasp the concept of God and His love for them. If you’re in Vegas, want to give me any of your dry clean hangers? :)
 Don’t forget to check out GodBehindBars.com 

Conversations in Jail

I love my juvis. Love hanging out with them. Telling them about Jesus, having them ask questions and generally having a good time.

The other week these were some of the responses I got:

Me: There are people out there who totally want to hang out with you and help you.
Juvi: No offense Miss (that's me... So weird). But no one wants to hang out with ex felons.
Me: No really, I've talked to them. I am one of them
Juvi: Why would they want to do that? We are ex felons. They don't wanna hang out with us. 

Me: Tell me something or someone you're proud of.
Juvi: Oh that's easy. Nothing and Noone.
Me: *heart broken*

Me: I wanna learn your names. (goes around and has them tell me their names. I usually get their street names and never their real names which is fine with me.)
Juvis: Miss, do you know my real name?
Me: No, you never told me!
Juvis: *pause* Miss, my real name is Bradley (name changed for privacy reasons).
Me: *jumping up and down on the inside*

Me: Tell me the most important person in your life and why?
Juvi: My Mum, because she's always been there for me. Even though I am in here!
Me: What was the hardest thing you ever had to do aside from being in here?
Juvi: Tell my Mum what I'd done. 

Me: I want to give you a challenge this week. (we do challenges EVERY week. One that we had to revisit is the one about not swearing. Now it's not just not swearing. It's just not swearing at church. LOL.) This week I want you to replace negative thoughts about yourself with positive ones.
Juvi: (who has been a pain in the behind for the past 6 weeks, has never listened, always been disruptive and been on the verge of being kicked out more than once) I like that challenge! I'm totally gonna do that Miss!
Me: *jumping up and down on the inside!*

These are just some of the conversations that happen when I hang out with them. Actually all these happened in one night! It also should be noted that these are not your average Juvis. I might call them Juvis, but a lot of them will be tried as adults and are seen by the law as adults. It suggests that what they have done was bad. Really bad.
And yet I believe they deserve a chance. First of all a chance to hear about Jesus ('Miss, who's Hosanna??') secondly a chance to be the person that God wants them to be.

Please continue to pray with me for my Juvis. Every Saturday I get to talk to up to 20 of them. And yeah, I kinda like them!

Happenings over the past few months

RUSH—

 Rewriting Ur Story Here:

RUSH is the youth version of God Behind Bars and what I’ve worked on for the past few months.

It’s about introducing youth to Jesus through a weekend worship experience on the inside; helping them deal with life’s issues through Freedom (Celebrate Recovery for students) and then disciple them when they get out through our mentorship program (Project 22)

We provide mentors who walk with them, check up on them, do stuff together and care. The mentorship program includes things like sports camps, rap/dance studio and more. It’s amazing!

We are getting ready!!!

Twelve volunteers came and got trained (a full day operation) and we were able to video the training to be shown in Vegas, as the center we are working with is 3 hours away.

Needs to be able to launch (please pray)

· Equipment such as projector, screen, sound system etc.

· Games such as Basketball hoop, balls etc

· About 20 more volunteers

My Day with God

At one point I realized I was quite worried about a number of things and to get some perspective I was able to take a day and spend it with God at Mt Charleston. (I’m really blessed that I can even do that kind of thing)

It was a great day filled with good talks with Jesus, new ideas, sorting out my head and gaining new insights and perspective.

Things I learned:

· Psalm 91 still blows my mind

· Things are not as bad as I sometimes think they are

· I came out of the day with a renewed passion for God and going deeper with Him.

Random exciting stuff in short:

· We just recently trained 30 volunteers (getting ready to reach more inmates)

· We also partnered up to put on a huge sports day for kids and youth

· We’re close to launching another adult campus in Colorado

· RUSH launched in the youth unit at the jail 3 weeks ago!!

Random stuff I do and love

· My church small group rocks

· My Junior High Small group has been challenging, but it’s been good. I get to hang out with JH girls… How much better can it get?

· Love going to Midnight Hockey games (game starts at midnight. Oh and I LOVE the mascot!)

· I’m part of the medical team at church again. Because I can and I love it

Random stuff I need or want:

· German Bread (it’s just THAT good)

· Learn Spanish for real

· $$$ for my flight to Germany ($1,500!!! Yikes!)

· Be more positive (that’s a need AND a want)

Website you should check out sometime:

www.godbehindbars.com and www.churchwithinmates.com

Cyber hang outs: 

twitter.com/jackie/doyle and facebook.com/jackie.doyle and jackieinvegas.tumblr.com 

________________________________________________

Yes, you can support me:

For  online giving go to: www.godbehindbars.com and find the ‘donate now’ button on the bottom.
 Make sure you put my name in the comments and questions box to ensure it goes towards me. You can set it up to be automatic and it sends you an email every time it gets taken out of your account.

For 'old school' giving send checks to:

God Behind Bars

c/o Jackie's support

129 W Lake Mead Parkway

Suite 22

Henderson NV 89015

USA

If sending a check please  make it out to God Behind Bars and  attach a note stating: For Jackie

If you have any questions about why, how or how much you can send an email to jackiegotmail (at) gmail (dot) com