People I meet (2)

It was just that kind of a day... As if I hadn't enough problems. My life seemed to be crushing down on me majorly. 

One of my best friends was ignoring me. She has made friends with another girl and now they hang out all the time. It is hard to deal with that, coz I feel slightly left out. And all the attention I wanted from my friend is now going towards that other person. Annoying situation. 

One of my co workers turned out to be a pain in the butt. He turned out to be unreliable and just plain out selfish and immature. Also lovely, if you're the one having to deal with that. 

And now a friend and me were supposed to have a meeting, but he forgot and now he's planned his whole day and there's no way we can meet. What a mess. It was just the last straw that I needed and it certainly broke the camels back. 

Maybe it's selfish to want friends who actually are there for you and who totally are for you. Maybe it's selfish to hope that when I talk with my friends about personal stuff that it stays within our relationship and doesn't get talked about with others.

Maybe it is selfish to think that cancelling a meeting is bad enough, but giving no notice is horrible. 

So here I was, with everything that was going on in my head and not a clue on how to deal with it! 

I had found a secluded spot in this park and just sat down and cried. There was so much frustration in me, anger, disappointment and not much hope for the future. Again my thoughts were drifting to the spot I didn't want them to be... is this really worth it? Wouldn't it be easier to just finish it all now? 

I was still sobbing when I realised someone else was around. He was leaning on a tree not far from here, dressed in dark blue jeans and some sort of printed tee. I rolled my eyes. How rude to be this close to someone else in an otherwise empty park! WHat the crap! 

I let my sunnies slide down, in the hope that he wouldn't see that I was crying! Also really hoping that the signals were quite clear about me wanting to be alone. 

Nevertheless he came over. As he walked towards me I realised that this guy was just not your normal kind of guy. He wore pretty sleek jeans and a printed tee, had tatoos on both arms and his right ears had at least 7 piercings all the way up. His face was friendly, almost gentle and he looked quite concerned now. 

'Hey Frauke' he said. Oops. Apparently he knew me! oh well, this would be just the crowning of an already bad day. 'Are you ok? Man, I can't believe all that stuff is happening to you and I know you feel like there's no one to talk to. I just thought I'd find you and tell you that there is someone you can talk to! I know life seems horrible right now. I know you're hurting, I know exactly how you feel. 

See, a while ago a really good friend betrayed me. He did a lot of things that I just hadn't expected from him. He shared intimate details of our friendship, found other friends to hang out with that were not a good influence on him at all. And he totally distanced himself from me. It was horrible. 

I really liked him, but had to learn that my value was never to be determined by him. Yours and my value was never to be determinded by the relationships and friendships I have. So when those friends leave for whatever reasons, you're not supposed to be on your own! You're valuable, coz you are. No relationships will make you more valuable and none will diminish your value. 

I think you feel like crap right now, coz everything came crumbling down. But I just wanted to find you and remind you that there is one person that loves you no matter what. And that person will never change and their feelings are always gonna be the same toward you! So maybe it's time talking to that person again and forgetting about the rest..? 

Make some new friends. Make new relationships. Don't worry about the old ones, just worry about one!'

And with that he came towards me, hugged me really hard and then turned around and walked away... 

I wish I would know where he lives. Would be fun to hang out some more. He seems nice. What was his name again? Oh yeah, I know! 

Jesus

People I meet (1)

'Hey you!' The guy sat down next to me as if he actually knew me! I could not remember meeting him before. He was of medium height, skinny, with darkly tanned skin, black (messy) hair and a pointed nose. He was not one of those guys that might be 'discovered' for modelling, yet his features were interesting. 
He spoke with confidence and acted accordingly. After putting down his cup of coffee, he took off his heavy coat and let himself sink back in the comfy chair at Starbucks. I was surprised to see a dark blue pair of jeans that looked like they cost a fortune under the floor length army coat. 

He looked and me and seemed to realise that I had no idea who in the world he was and where we would have met before. I was slightly annoyed at being disturbed at my favourite time of the week... hanging out at Starbucks, thinking, journaling and making fun of people in my mind. But I was intrigued and far too proud to let on that I had no idea who he was. I was just gonna play along and figure it out. 
Besides, I had been here now for almost 2 hours and maybe it was time for some change in pace! And this could be interesting. 

He was still smiling when he noticed the book on the table. It was a Clive Cussler adventure novel! So good! I had just finished it this morning. 'Good book eh?' he asked. Somehow I was surprised to hear that he knew about Clive Cussler books. My mind was still racing, trying to figure out where we had met and what we had been doing. I couldn't put my finger on it yet, but I knew this guy. And him reading a Clive Cussler book just didn't fit together. 

'yeah, I loved it! It was a good read! Did you read it as well?' I asked, because I didn't know what else to ask. I needed time to think! 
'Yep! I read it over a weekend I think! Didn't do much else that weekend! Just couldn't put it down. It's a cool story!'
He took a sip of his coffee. 'So frauke, how are you doing?'
So now it was official! He knew my name and I still was trying to come up with his. If I could just remember where we had met! I had to answer. It wasn't just politeness that required an answer, but he actually seemed interested in the real thing.. So a casual 'fine' was just not going to fly right now!

I started telling him about things that were going on for me right now. Some of the fun stuff (visiting friends), the embarrassing story (trying to squeeze myself into the back of a car through the passenger door, even though the car had 4 doors) and the hard stuff (feeling quite alone in the middle of my green card application). He listened through all of it. It was good sitting there with him and seeing that he seemingly cared. 
I asked him how things were going for him. He smiled and told me that he had just come from a football game. A friend of his was playing in the team and he had gone to watch. His friend's team had lost badly, so he'd basically been cold and wet for hours on end for a lost game. But he didn't seem to mind. 
Surprised, I asked if he had always liked football. He laughed and said that he loves hanging out with his friends. And if they play football or knit sweaters he will be there. 

We sat in silence for a while as neither of us talked. Then he chugged the last of his coffee, got up and put on his coat. 'Well, gotta go! But it was good bumping into you here! Maybe I will see you again sometime?' 
'I'd like that!' I replied! I got up to give him a hug good bye! 
He was buttoning up his coat. 'Well, til next time then!' 
I gave him a big hug. 
'See ya later Jesus! Was good hanging out today!'